Wow! I had been looking so forward to this since about Wednesday. I legitimately have not had 'all that' much time for it and most definitely have not been feeling well, considering I just recently came down with one of my seasonal sinus infections :^'( It surely has only gotten worse since then, and so has my attitude. But as I am a strong believer in consulting the tarot they have never led me wrong and encouraged me to keep fighting.
I didn't have a candle, but I after relieving some stress ^^ and a hot shower, there was no doubt in my mind that NOW was the time. I sat, where I know will be the clearest area of my house and bedroom, kept on the dimmest light I have ( a not too dim lamp, or not dim enough rather ) and sat on the floor, NOT intending to necessarily do any focal meditation. After having read a slight bit about kundalini and watching the youtube video I saw in the 'kundalini' post, I decided it would be best to just get comfortable ( in a position I was hardly comfortable in on a hardwood floor ) , clear my mind and gradually work myself into comfortability and different rhythms of breathing as it felt right. Side Note: I am NOT a major or regular practitioner of, well, anything really, though in the past five years I have done a considerable amount of dabbling in 'AP,' a bit of shamanism ( I know, lol, it's not really shamanism if it's just ' a bit' ), Tarot ( I only recently found great use for it ), a considerable bit of magick reading, color breathing, quite a good amount of meditating on and off ( it's become a great assistant in falling sleep, clearing my mind very quickly ), and, admittedly I have taken a couple of formal Tai Chi courses. Some of my teachers and 'advisors' ( not of the Astral sort ) have expressed that I have an aptitude at particularly, controlling my energy ( for my noviceness that is ), and healing ( been doing deep massages since I was 6 ), and in my personal opinion my most cultivated skill, meditating ( focus of the mind, self-control ).
As is typical ( except for position/posture ), my mind went blank. Thoughts, passed easily, quickly, yet constructively ( as much as it can be in meditation, not like I was focusing on particular concepts ). I breathed deeply, and my conciousness, very gradually, faded. A lot of shifting was necessary, but I didn't break my meditation ( eyes still closed ) or let the uncomfortable thoughts get to me, I simply shifted to whatever made me feel more comfortable and continued breathing in a rhythm accordingly. Images of the Kundalini CGI video passed through my mind as I shifted and thoughts of the snake seemed fitting for the concentrated pain in my spine and legs, so I continued to shift and breathe. I have only had cursory glances at the hand postures for the yoga chakra meditations, but they proved to be helpful.
I know, this post is going to be long, but I'll say once now, and again at the end, that I go into so much detail because these are things that I would have liked to have known prior to the meditation as someone who has only dabbled/read here or there and would quickly lose confidence because of the uncomfortability.
I continue, my legs were shaking in this unfamiliar posture, so for a time, I had to lightly, but in a controlled manner, grip them, and continue shifting. This proved not to be detrimental, or a distraction, and ended up being very helpful. As I shifted it was apparent that I was lining up my chakras and, as the meditation deepened, the energy ( and slight pain ) continued to advance up my spine. The meditation again deepened and this is where my little knowledge of hand postures came into play. After enough shifting, my legs were shaking much less and I was considerably more comfortable... enough to settle my hands on my legs, near the knees, thumb and forefinger touching. Little adjustments in every little thing are key. You will not lose focus, and I encourage you to stick with it. I allowed even the nicotine fits to pass through as I continued to breathe good wholesome aire. As the meditation continues to deepen, the pain of my body begins to become less important. I remember the power I can embrace within me, and the pain in my spine near my solar plexus becomes firm resolve. Yes, I shift yet again, and many times more ( up to a certain point, which still I allowed a little shifting ). With this focus on my solar plexus and a new sense of balance now maintained ( it did take time, take your time, it absolutely did not come easy. I just took my time and continued to breathe. ) I realized that my hands seem to play a role in my balance, and the significance of these mysterious hand gestures became more clear. I shifted, and moved my hands beneath my solar plexus, left palm up, fingers curling my my right hand; my right hand, a fist. I moved on, eventually, to my heart, with my hands in front of it, so as to hold my energy moving up. My right hand closest to my chest, only my thumbs of my left and right hands crossed ( like a butterfly ). Felt like a bird carrying my energy above my heart and making it lighter. Now, all pain left my legs ( and numbness left my awareness ) as my energy moved up to my collar bone and opened my throat. Remembering truth, remembering -my- inner music, something I needed to focus on for me personally ( as well as being firm in my solar plexus ). Another Note: moving the hands, to the heart and every point forward was necessary to continue the flow of energy. Also IMPORTANT: Once at this point, your hands are to significant to lose their posture, any shifting must be subtle slides of the legs, my right leg shifted forward slightly, involuntarily, from that point forward what pain and uncomfortability meant little, and I was forced to continue pushing, or else give up, which would've taken a while to do with any benefits, so it's best just to push, it does get better. I could feel my crown calling me, begging for my triumph, but my will was near ready to falter, but I could not give up. I shifted my hands in front of my throat and pointed up with both forefingers meeting. This did the trick, maybe about ten minutes or so and spent in my third eye and my crown. I know my crown is undeveloped, but was a grateful for what I got to experience. My breathing, was full ( not to say that sometimes it wasn't a bit quicker, and shallower, it does shift according to your needs, even at the higher chakras ), my chakras as open I was willing to get them. I closed by letting my hands go free, allowing my chakras to 'close' one by one, and some slight shifting. Holding my legs again, whatever is comfortable. Okay so I did some yoga, yay for me, that was fun. I can do some focal meditation later I guess. I opened my eyes, a little quicker then I expected, and then realized.. "NOPE, WRONG!"
My vision had a sort of pulse to it. Things were blurred on the edges, but the phenomena was constantly shifting, and there was a bit of water in my eyes. I kept breathing, this felt to good, just a little longer. Then, on the wall, noticed a little flaw on it, right next to the floorboards, like a little wrinkle. It came into focus, and blurred out, and my vision was just shifting like crazy, but my eyes stayed focused on the little, dented, deformed, flaw. So many things it looked like, a geometric shape, a deep crack, it did not matter, this was my focal point. I did a little ten minute focal meditation on a golden button on my bag I take to work on the bus the other day. It was very relaxing, but when you are in a group of people that are very much a different culture than you, and there's maybe but you and another of your 'stereotype,' it can appear very harsh, cold, and offensive. Now, let me tell you, the easy part starts there and then, staring at the wall. You're eyes can close, blink, whatever, you can shift, just don't close your eyes for long and keep focusing on this little point in your reality, even if you can't see it or can hardly make it out. Don't get distracted by the texture of the wall as it comes into focus, or even the well defined architecture of the floorboard as it begins to blur, and define, and take on a new meaning. All you care about it buried deep within that little point. I also saw colors, started to feel different parts of my brain, and then heard a low, but defined tone; and began to feel it, too. I feel the progression through the deeper stages are explained very well by the author of this article, but, once you start to get to the higher frequencies things start to get tricky. It almost feels as it has all gone away, but something keeps developing, and pushing you forward. You have felt all of the way out to high, quick frequencies, with very focused changes in your vision and a learned self-control. It really does seem like you can go on like this forever and continue to allow your perception to shift this way, keeping in mind you are gathering information about what exactly your 'soul' is. But the next exciting part is coming back down.
You can learn the most about yourself, now that you've experienced this high frequency of energy, and gathered so much of it as you gather it in to your self before putting it down through the ground. It is when you breathe in and think of your self, that you truly begin to feel yourself and different parts of yourself.. and once you put the energy back out around you, you can even begin to learn even more. The entire experience as a whole was nothing short of convincing, evolving, and phenomenal. Thank you, Lord, for guiding me to this way of doing things, and thank you also, kobok, Kettle, and vsociety as a whole for all of the encouragement to start basic and refine your skills gradually. I look forward to becoming more away of my self and and gaining, permanently, some of the abilities I seemed to experience during this meditation. I'm not exactly kineting at this point, and I possibly never will work with the Psi abilities like I intend to work with magick, but I hopefully say that I'm starting on the right foot for both.
Thanks again, Yours Truly,