Hi Prophecy, I am new to this forum, hoping that it is never too late to ask something related to your older articles …

My question would be: Is there a specific path of magic or spirituality fitting best for someone who mainly seeks to realize love in its plenty forms? By this I mean, among others, love towards all beings and realms of nature, true human love of deep compassion, confidence and faithfulness as well in a relationship as to oneself, awakening through and working in sexual alchemy, and the unconditioned love of God.
Let me shortly outline my inquiry with some personal details just to give you a little background and make it easier for you to answer. Hope this is ok … My situation is what I would call of a confused beginner. Almost 2 years ago I have been given the Pentagram rituals as a means to heal myself and thus be able to continue with my profession – assumed that any ill-being is caused by an elemental imbalance inside. While I practiced them continuously I wasn’t aware of them being a magical doing. After some time I found out what I was doing and the teacher who only shows up once a year presented himself happy about my findings, and gave me more rituals. He never says much about them, he rather lets me find out on my own.
However, the symptom which I wanted to heal initially has not changed. To be honest, I do not know where I am going with all this, and really feel I need some orientation. The teacher states that he sees some great force behind me, but I have to find out myself. So far I don’t have any idea what this might be. It has become obvious to me that I have a strong spiritual longing, but am not much interested in gaining powers. Now that I found your article, it has opened my eyes with regard to the necessity of finding out FIRST where we want to go (before we start doing anything) and then how to get there. I wonder why the teacher never told me …
Following your suggestion, I have examined my motivation and found that in the first place it is about living in harmony, real love, and union with God. I want to awaken to the true nature of self, life and death. Also, I am looking for a consolidation of equilibrium in my life, body, mind and soul, as well as some stability (meaning profession), the ability to heal myself and help others. To a magician, these may perhaps sound like very simple wishes. I feel partially drawn to and have experimented a bit with Hermetics, Quabalah, the 4 elements, Shamanism, Holy Geometry and the patterns hidden in sound/voice, as well as sexual transmutation, pranayama, mantra japa, meditation. I am not after performing miracles, wielding power, accumulating money or bewitching people. The most important thing to me is the mystery of real love and virtues connected to this. Despite much daily practice following different spiritual approaches, it sometimes really saddens me that I don’t know how to get there, or which path to consistently tread.
Anything you could recommend to me in that situation?
Would it mean I have wasted these 2 years by practicing something I had no real clue of?
Also, why are there only few women on the path of high magic and evocation/invocation?
Thank you very much for your consideration.