Author Topic: can you please help or provide guidance  (Read 197 times)

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July 20, 2018, 09:33:30 AM
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Oolongmonkey

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I have been an avid meditator for many years. Practicing meditation, pranayama, doing extended retreats for many years. I was studying under a teacher who had a practice of drawing attention back into the headspace and holding it at the level of the pineal gland. This resulted in a non-dual awakening, a lovely space in which I would abide constantly/consciously. I practiced very intensely holding this state and keeping my focus at the back of my head(were talking practicing 6 hours a day for many years and constantly and consciously keeping it their when not formally practice).

Another teacher at the time had been working with on his crown chakra and he had implied to me that this was the next step. Foolishly I started to work on the crown chakra during an extended retreat, my absorption started to become very intense so I stopped the work fear I might go mad. After I opened my eye, I felt totally disembodied. I felt like I was out of my body. Not knowing how to proceed, I decided to leave the retreat, and when home to my wife and family. The next morning I felt better. I again started to dabble foolishly with pranayama in the headspace and once again I was propelled into this dis-embodied, depersonalization state, only this time it was accompanied by intense kundalini energy.

This was almost 7 years ago. My live has been a living hell ever since. The only peace I can get it when I sleep. I barely have the will to get out of the bed in morning. The energetic phenomena has ceased but the depersonalization, ringing, dizziness, vertigo, TMJ, left sided numbness, blurred vision, acute light sensitivity continue. My life is almost unbearable as I have extreme difficulty doing day to day tasks, this in turn causes intense anxiety and depression. My family and I have suffered tremendously as a result. Any attempts at Qi Gong or energy work just seem to build up the energy and the energy just clogges up my head. I have seem many Reiki type healers who have not proved to be helpful.

After about 5 years of a living a hell. I started to practice pulling my energy down from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I was doing this for about 7 months and actually felt a little better. I started feeling blocks, swirling of energy along the left side of my face, I then felt heat on the left side of my face, and one morning BOOM! I wake up deaf with terrible ringing. The ringing is so loud and intrusive it again spiraled me in terrible chaos.   
 
I apologize for the dramatic nature of this message but I find myself in a rather desperate situation.

If anyone know someway, somehow, SOMEONE who can help give me guidance clarity or healing I will be indebted to you.

Do you know any teachers that could be helpful. I've seen may teachers and they havent really proved to be too helpful. I would really need some evolved soul who could give me a sense of what Im dealing with and how to get through.

 
« Last Edit: July 20, 2018, 09:38:45 AM by Oolongmonkey »

July 20, 2018, 02:39:52 PM
Reply #1

الظلام

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Wow, that seems intense.

Before anything else however, I'm curious, have you seen a doctor?
I would highly encourage you to see a doctor soon.
I say this not because I disbelieve your story, but because it is possible that your spiritual activities may have caused physical damage or the development of physical ailments which underlies your symptoms.
The physical and spiritual bodies are distinct but interconnected, so do not rule out physical causes for your issue just because they were instigated by spiritual activities.
The fact that even after so much time has passed you are still experiencing symptoms makes me think that you've managed to damage not only your spiritual body but your physical body as well.

What practices are you still doing?
You mention meditation, what kinds?
How do they affect your problems?

I would definitely cease any pranayama for a good period of time, and see how that affects your issues. I am not very familiar with that practice, but I have heard that it can be quite dangerous if you practice incorrectly.

You mention the energetic issue has gone away, which to me seems to mean that your astral body has returned to a somewhat natural state. However many of the issues you say persist are quite physical in nature, which is another reason I believe you have sustained physical damage.

I would highly recommend learning to expel energy, rather than just moving it around. Are you a familiar with western magic practice, or perhaps the work of Franz Bardon? There is a common practice in hermetic magic that should be quite easy for you to pick up, as it is probably quite similar to your pranayama practices. I'm referring to what's called "Pore breathing", are you familiar with it?

I'll stop there, for now. But in the meantime - please go see a doctor.  :eek:
Of course if you do see a doctor, it would be a good idea to keep hush hush about your practices and the events that lead to your problems, as that might just unnecessarily confuse him. :biggrin:
« Last Edit: July 20, 2018, 05:53:38 PM by الظلام »

July 20, 2018, 06:07:35 PM
Reply #2

Oolongmonkey

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Yes, I've been to TONS of doctors. Spend 10s of thousands. Traveled the country going to doctors, specialists nothing to be found...

I was keeping my attention at the back of my head in an attempt to crystalize the pineal(center of conscious), then I did some pranayama crown chakra opening nonsense that really "did me in".

So keep the attention in the pineal I would abide as consciousness. I would go into this sublime samadhi and just sit there.

It's a catch 22, when I do a simple grounding practice(of simply keeping my attention on my feet) I feel a little better but I also increase my vital energy in the body and it goes to my head---it feels like I'm going to have an anyerisum.

Much of the physical stuff has to do with stress, I'm pretty sure as the symptoms amplify the more stressed I get.


July 21, 2018, 01:19:28 PM
Reply #3

الظلام

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Doctors can't find anything? That's unfortunate.

You mention grounding, but have you tried expelling the energy instead?

And are you familiar with void meditation? That can help you reduce your stress.