Author Topic: Help needed?  (Read 390 times)

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September 14, 2017, 04:18:10 AM
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Unicorn

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Hello,
this is my first post on this forum. I've read through a few threads before starting this one and I'm not quite sure what I expect from posting this but it really seems like something is off so I may as well try and see if someone can help me.

First I must write that I don't really believe in magic(k?). When I read about you guys turning pages of a book with your mind and contacting demons and reading Necronomicon and so on... Yeah. I don't really buy this phisical-manifestations of powers and I don't believe a book HP Lovecraft invented is real...  but I believe there is something.

What I know about magick I know from RPG games and books and all Hellblazer comics I read and so on - the stuff I read when I was younger.

When I got older I also trained basic meditation and even though I don't practice it daily I practice it sometimes when I feel bad or feel the need to. As everyone I also heard about the law of attraction and... yeah - I was training lucid dreaming and astral projection but gave it up after heaving a horrible experience (a dream that I'm not sure that was a dream).

So that is basically what I know. Now I want to write what happened.

Some time ago my friend got cancer. He was fighting with it for some time, surgeries, chemo and stuff but it was a battle he was slowly and steadly loosing. In the end he got a tumor in his brain. It was supposed to be 5cm and I was visiting him in a hospital every day and he was just looking worse and worse and we knew that he is going to have a surgery on a brain but that with 5cm tumor it is dangerous and that with that kind of fast tumor grotwth even if the surgery is succesful they will take him off the meds because...it is a waste. We were quite sure that the end is near...

And I said - fuck that. I'm gonna stop it. I don't have any delusion of grandeur but I usually achieve goals in my life. I learned that strong will and focus and dedication tend to win with any odds that are against you so I started healing him with my mind. As i wrote before - I have no real knowledge of magick and I didn't went online to look for some rituals as I don't believe in it.

What I did I started meditating like I know how, but instead of focusing on me I was focusing on him. With every breath in I was visualising sucking in the energy of the stars and the sun and then channelling it and with every breath sending it towards the tumor in his brain (and later another in his leg). I did it for about a week. And it worked.

I was a bit amazed but you know not really. I don't want to take the credit for it. Maybe it was not me but when he got to surgery it turned out that when they opened his skull the tumor was not 5cm any more but just 1,5cm. The doctors of course did not know what happened and blamed it on a maschine error saying that it was probably never 5cm. Maybe. I don't know really.Later we found out that his other tumor in a groin also got smaller and now he is getting his meds and is on a good way to be cure. From the brink of death to being almost cure? How awesome is that? Was it me? I don't know and don't care. I'm just happy he is ok.

If it was over I wouldn't write about it but seems like there are some... side effects? And I remembered that I read somewhere that if do something like this without knowing how or you use to much... power?... then bad things might happen. Like a kickback. I took and now I owe? I don't know.

So what is happening:
- electronic equipments started to break - two chargers in one day, then something else, then something else
- my wife poured the tea all over my laptop and she said that she felt like someone grabbed her hand and make it move in such a way - it was strange for her and creepy
- then I got sick really bad for a few days
- then an iPad screen just broke - it did not fall - it just broke while laying on a table
- then a picture fall of the wall
- and finally yesterday while I was doing dishes a plate just flew out of my hand and I grabbed it in the midair but it hit me in the arm first and I didn't even felt nothing but a few seconds later the blood just splashed out of my hand - it was everywhere I had to have 5 stiches made in a hospital and the cut looks like I was trying to commit a suicide... and best part is - the plate is not broken - it just has like a small 0,5-1 cm chip on one side yet somehow it cut me really bad - it's unbelivable really

So these are the the things I remember now and the biggest ones but I just seems like I'm plagued by a series of small and big bad lucks and strange things happening. That's why I started looking for information online and how I got here.

As I said I'm not really convinced about demons and stuff, but... maybe someone can explain to me what is happening? Thank you in advance.

September 14, 2017, 04:24:09 AM
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Akenu

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It's commonly called geisting, and yes, it's common, especially during the beginnings. Stop caring of it and about Magick and it will cease in time, you can also try some litany like "I have a normal day today" repeated over and over again.

And regarding your sickness, how did it manifest?
Mine manifested as a form of a very strong shivering from cold (during summer) and I felt really sick and dizzy for a couple of days.

September 14, 2017, 04:44:21 AM
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Unicorn

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I was vommiting and felt like every internal organ of mine was in pain - never felt anything like this before but it's gone now.

September 14, 2017, 05:33:36 AM
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Akenu

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Interesting data for me :).

Anyway, now your main decision is about whether you want to continue to pursue Magick or if this was a one time deal for you. If it is a one time deal, you don't need to care anymore about it, geisting will stop naturally.

September 14, 2017, 07:06:53 AM
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Unicorn

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Thanks for the answear. Do you think whatever i was doing had any sense? Is this kind of channeling energy through meditation a valid way of doing... magick? What should I read, how to learn if I wanted to keep using it for my friend benefit but without geisting happening to me? Or maybe i should just quit because it is too dangerous?

September 14, 2017, 07:15:17 AM
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Akenu

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Thanks for the answear. Do you think whatever i was doing had any sense? Is this kind of channeling energy through meditation a valid way of doing... magick? What should I read, how to learn if I wanted to keep using it for my friend benefit but without geisting happening to me? Or maybe i should just quit because it is too dangerous?

It kinda does make a sense but it's a very raw form. Geisting happened mainly because you channeled too much raw energy though you and you didn't spend it. I cannot tell you whether it helped your friend or not, I don't know that, but I can definitely see that you did draw the energy into you based on the symptoms you have described.

Whether you decide to pursue Magick is up to you, there is no major loss in lives without Magick and if a new Magician is needed to channel the energy, he will always appear (or someone will figure out some way to do so, just like in your case).

If you decide to stay, definitely start studying how to do things properly, but heed my warning and stay away from cults (some even proposed here on the site).

September 14, 2017, 12:15:58 PM
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Unicorn

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Thanks. It did kind of seemed like I left some energy in me. I though it was a good idea.
I will stay away from the cults.
Would you consider Bardon "Initiation Into Hermetics" a good first read?
Thank you again.


September 14, 2017, 12:29:57 PM
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Akenu

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Thanks. It did kind of seemed like I left some energy in me. I though it was a good idea.
I will stay away from the cults.
Would you consider Bardon "Initiation Into Hermetics" a good first read?
Thank you again.

IIH is definitely a good start, but also a very complex book. Most people give up very early and it is actually hard to keep up with the practice. The book was intended this way to keep out the "unworthy". Unfortunately times have change and most of us do not have the luxury of time required to cope with IIH.

September 15, 2017, 04:04:58 AM
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Oxide

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..............., but heed my warning and stay away from cults (some even proposed here on the site).

What would you consider a cult?
Would you consider the OTO, and other Golden Dawn offshoots, and the various Wiccan and Druid groups, etc. to be cults?
.

September 15, 2017, 04:07:22 AM
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Oxide

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IIH is definitely a good start, but also a very complex book. Most people give up very early and it is actually hard to keep up with the practice. The book was intended this way to keep out the "unworthy". Unfortunately times have change and most of us do not have the luxury of time required to cope with IIH.

Which books would you recommend instead then, if any?
.

September 15, 2017, 04:18:35 AM
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Akenu

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..............., but heed my warning and stay away from cults (some even proposed here on the site).

What would you consider a cult?
Would you consider the OTO, and other Golden Dawn offshoots, and the various Wiccan and Druid groups, etc. to be cults?
.


Maybe not as cults, but I would definitely steer clear of these, as well.




September 15, 2017, 04:21:50 AM
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Akenu

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IIH is definitely a good start, but also a very complex book. Most people give up very early and it is actually hard to keep up with the practice. The book was intended this way to keep out the "unworthy". Unfortunately times have change and most of us do not have the luxury of time required to cope with IIH.

Which books would you recommend instead then, if any?
.


Tough choice. Well, I did write a couple of books on the topic, but I would rather recommend to go free-roaming. Try things here and there and see what clicks for you. If the OP wants to follow some book, then e.g. NAP is simple to follow, then in terms of Chaos Magick, there is of course this: https://ultraculture.org/blog/2015/11/13/psychonaut-field-manual/ which is nicely illustrated, or you can pick one of my books.




September 16, 2017, 05:53:39 AM
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Unicorn

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Hi! I'm back and... yeah... I'm getting a bit confused and maybe even frightened.  I think I need to do something but I don't know what.

1. Since I stopped "sending energy" to my friend he feels worse. Of course I still don't know if I helped him at all but maybe I did, since now that I stopped doing this he feels worse? He does not know what I did and does not know that I stopped so this is not a psychological effect :/

2. Today another strange thing occured. I was walking down the street and felt a really big pain on my belly. I looked under my t-shirt and saw two bloody bites there. And there was nothing there - no insect or anything - just two red bleeding dots. WTF? And just to add clarification - I live in a city not in the country and in my climate there is nothing (that I know of) that bites like this.  Maybe I'm becoming paranoic or something and I'm sure one can explain it like "Something must have bite you and flew away - it was probably just a wasp... but there are no wasps here and.... it just feels off".

3. I also have strange dreams from last week - like cataclysmic tornados (there were 3 of them moving towards me) or about vomiting black goo-like substance or beeing attacked by a big black spider (i have arachnophobia) or other nightmares.

F**k. I'm getting tired of this and yet I can't stop thinking about breathing energy and sending it to other people. It's like an addiction?

Two days ago I told my wife about what I think this bad luck is and that I was "healing" our friend. She was not happy about it and after a small argument she told me "why won't you help me if you can?" - she has a depression (like a real one). That same night when she was sleeping I just did the same thing I did last time (but this time I was thinking about using energy from inside me - not the stars, because you wrote that I should not take too much raw energy, so I thought I will just use the one that is in me). I was lying and thinking about giving her energy to feel better and stay positive and focused and to let her feal love and that she is loved and there is peace and she has a strength and so on). Guess what? Next day she woke up happy and with a smile (she does not know I did this!) and she pick up a phone and started calling people to start a project that she was supposed to start like a half a year ago but could not because she was so depressed that she though nothing mattes.

So there it is. It all seems to just... work... but at the same time I feel like I'm getting a string of unprobable unfortunate events as a payback. I also can't stop thinking about it. It seems my body just wants to draw energy from everything (especially sky/air/stars) with every breath. I'm really lost and I don't know anymore if I'm imagining things and this are all just coincidences or if this is real.

Please help!













September 16, 2017, 12:58:09 PM
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Akenu

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Hi! I'm back and... yeah... I'm getting a bit confused and maybe even frightened.  I think I need to do something but I don't know what.

1. Since I stopped "sending energy" to my friend he feels worse. Of course I still don't know if I helped him at all but maybe I did, since now that I stopped doing this he feels worse? He does not know what I did and does not know that I stopped so this is not a psychological effect :/

2. Today another strange thing occured. I was walking down the street and felt a really big pain on my belly. I looked under my t-shirt and saw two bloody bites there. And there was nothing there - no insect or anything - just two red bleeding dots. WTF? And just to add clarification - I live in a city not in the country and in my climate there is nothing (that I know of) that bites like this.  Maybe I'm becoming paranoic or something and I'm sure one can explain it like "Something must have bite you and flew away - it was probably just a wasp... but there are no wasps here and.... it just feels off".

3. I also have strange dreams from last week - like cataclysmic tornados (there were 3 of them moving towards me) or about vomiting black goo-like substance or beeing attacked by a big black spider (i have arachnophobia) or other nightmares.

F**k. I'm getting tired of this and yet I can't stop thinking about breathing energy and sending it to other people. It's like an addiction?

Two days ago I told my wife about what I think this bad luck is and that I was "healing" our friend. She was not happy about it and after a small argument she told me "why won't you help me if you can?" - she has a depression (like a real one). That same night when she was sleeping I just did the same thing I did last time (but this time I was thinking about using energy from inside me - not the stars, because you wrote that I should not take too much raw energy, so I thought I will just use the one that is in me). I was lying and thinking about giving her energy to feel better and stay positive and focused and to let her feal love and that she is loved and there is peace and she has a strength and so on). Guess what? Next day she woke up happy and with a smile (she does not know I did this!) and she pick up a phone and started calling people to start a project that she was supposed to start like a half a year ago but could not because she was so depressed that she though nothing mattes.

So there it is. It all seems to just... work... but at the same time I feel like I'm getting a string of unprobable unfortunate events as a payback. I also can't stop thinking about it. It seems my body just wants to draw energy from everything (especially sky/air/stars) with every breath. I'm really lost and I don't know anymore if I'm imagining things and this are all just coincidences or if this is real.

Please help!


If you want to stop, you should. If you want to continue, you should start studying, the decision should be made as soon as possible.

September 20, 2017, 02:58:46 AM
Reply #14

evild00d

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hi,

probably you need grounding
http://forums.vsociety.net/index.php/topic,11138.0.html
excerpts above from the link

Grounding

Grounding is the act of 'recycling' impure energy on all planes of existence around oneself.  The process requires a quieted mind, so begin grounding with focal meditation. Acts of energy require intent as much as kinesis, so form a solid intent to cleanse the energy surrounding you on all planes. Locate a focal point within the soul and actualize this intent, dispelling all of the impurities, virtues, and preconceived concepts saturating the energy. Be thorough, and make sure the energy is completely pure and clean on all planes. The process may be repeated several times to ensure cleanliness, but try to be very deep and thorough about it.