So I finally decided to stop depending on outside sources, because I kept jumping from one book to another, one system or one paradigm to another.
I decided to make my own magical system, one that was intuitive and easy for me to use.
Though it has been a while (A year I think) I have not been able to get in much practice. Partly due to personal reasons and due to me having to explore myself, and trying to intuitively grasp my own personal brand of magick.
I think I did it.
I decided to go back to my 'roots', and start practicing the simple, basic stuff I used to do when I was still new to this stuff.
That meant energy manipulation, psiballs and Psiwheels.
(I.e. acting and feeling like an idiot)
The thing was that this stuff actually worked for me, the only reason I didn't continue with it was because it was slow and boring, and I felt I was missing something. Thus started the magick system jumping.
Recently however, thanks to practice I have learned to manipulate a psiwheel perfectly (Well, almost). I still occasionally use my hands as mental crutches, but I know I could break my mental inhibitions and manipulate the psiwheel without my hands and from a distance, pretty quickly
My abilities even shifted to things other than psiwheels. I could, manipulating the air from the fan, turn the pages of my book left and right at will, (I looked like an idiot, but no one saw me do it in class).
What I have learned so far
Magick needs to be practised to be understood. For example; to me, the idea that telekinesis of articles like pen and toothpicks takes months or years to master is an exaggeration. I could, technically, levitate myself right now, if I released my mental inhibitions that it is not possible. (I'm probably wrong about this. I'm simply expressing my feelings and experiences, not my thoughts. Also it may be that belief is simply a key to unlocking some power, which needs to be trained, in which case my statement is false.)
Ah and yes, one thing I have learned is the role of belief in magick. How impedementing inhibitions and empowering beliefs lurk just beneath my concious mind.
For those of you currently learning telekinesis or some other ability, and are saying 'I BELIEVE IN YOU PSIWHEEL. MOOOOVEEE!', you aren't truly believing in it. Its difficult to explain, but once you manage to move the object telekinetically, you may get a glimpse of what im talking about and BAM! Hooked for life.
For example, Im learning about the conflict between my concious and unconcious minds when I rotate a psiwheel in one direction and try to move it in another. The psiwheel stops, but stubbornly insists on being immobile. With some force of will, I can firmly hold the belief that he psiwheel will move. What I see is that the psiwheel starts shaking, left and right, and tada! Conflict of subconcious and concious minds!
So far, not much progress, but Im sure I can apply my understanding for more mainstream synchronicity-style magick, making it far more potent than before (Im not sure if it ever was potent).
I really cannot emphasize the importance of simply practicing magick for the sake of understanding how it works. Forget the do's and do not's. Learn to practice magick the way kids pretend to be wizards and somehow often come close to the real deal (Im speaking from my own experience).
Make energy balls, kamehameha waves. Cast 'confusio' at your dog,
Drink a 'potion' of ice cold water to heal that nasty cut (But don't be stupid, go to the hospital if you are terribly injured. Leave healing for a more advanced you).
Our ancestors who might've been shamans or such figured this stuff out on their own. No one had IIH or Vsociety back then. Place yourself in their shoes, 'If I wanted to do magick, how would I do it?'
This post has gone on long enough, as I tried to get the message across as clearly as possible and only managed to get it more confusing.
And I have no claim of being adept when I say I have some telekinetic abilities. Its like a soldier being sent to war armed with only grenades. Powerful, but impractical for some situations.
Well, see you later Vsociety!
Im off for the next round of silence while I practice (hopefully not lasting too long)