Hello. As you can tell from the title of this post, I am new here. My name is Maverick and Iím a student. My personal philosophy on life is one of improvement. Years ago, I concluded that it is a personal responsibility to improve oneís self so that a person may, in turn, be useful to those around him. I have sought to do this by submitting myself to the study and practice of various skills and disciplines. Ideally, I strive to stay consistently engaged in at least one form of Mental, Physical, and Spiritual training at all times. Mental and Physical training methods are usually relatively straightforward to devise, execute and measure. Spiritual training, on the other hand, is different for me, more difficult in nature.
I had my first real spiritual experience after leaving the the religion of my family. I was somewhat disillusioned and lost for a period of time. There was an emptiness that I, at first attempted to replace with a purely mechanistic interpretation of the universe and that progressed into a nihilistic paradigm that threw me into a somewhat deep depression. I had already been introduced to meditation by a high school teacher years previous, and practiced it on a consistent basis without any spiritual aim, but for the sole reason of increasing my focus. In those months of depression, My meditation sessions increased in length and depth until one day, something clicked, I had this feeling I can only describe as ďonenessĒ, and things somehow made sense. That feeling lasted for a couple of days and then left.
During that period, I knew there was something more. I believed it so much that even when that feeling left I began researching different spiritual paradigms. I wanted to learn more about the things I didnít know. An entire body of knowledge I'd left untouched. It is, however, quite overwhelming. My search eventually led me here to Veritas. Iíve had the opportunity to read a few articles by various teachers here. And Iím considering applying to work with a mentor. I believe this area is one in which I can use much guidance. Iíve begun practice with Initiation into Hermetics. And Iím interested in learning more regarding energy disciplines. Iíve also done some work with astral projection and lucid dreaming.
Unfortunately, in recent weeks, my practice has lapsed to include only a short yoga routine in the mornings and evenings, reading, and short meditations. As this current semester draws to an end, and as I transition into a slightly less busy job, I intend to increase my reading and practice.
I have to say my biggest struggle so far in learning these things. Is getting past my inner skeptic. Iíve had experiences that suggest there is reason to believe in the possibility of these methods being effective, but a part of me sometimes feels like I could be tricking myself. On top of that my religious upbringing strongly detests inquiry into anything that could be considered as having anything to do with the occult or esoterics. As a result, I notice a slight apprehension when it comes to much of the symbolism Iím learning about. Also, just the fact that this kind of material is difficult for me to digest on a meaningful level at times. In recent months especially, I feel as if I am somewhat ďshutoffĒ spiritually.
Hopefully this will change in the coming months as my practice increases, but nonetheless, I thought it a good idea to introduce myself here and open myself up to the advice and critique of those who are more experienced.