@Steve. I won't disagree with you, but when doing anything like this you need a bit of smarts. Let's say loverboy goes through with any ritual or spell to get the girl. Sure he got what he wanted, but there is always a chance of obsession on both their parts. If it backfires then it's on him. Sometimes getting what you want isn't what you need.
Hellblazer is correct regarding the backfire, it's a common thing regarding lust and possession spells.
And the reason for this is:
Another problem is the lack of forethought.
That's why "love" spells tend to "backfire": because they don't actually backfire. A spell is not a moral compass and doesn't care about your morals, anyone else's morals, or supposed universal morality (it *does* care about seemingly "universal physics", in terms of energy flow and subconscious desires and competition from other sources, but those aren't "morals"). If it is done correctly, it does exactly (or mostly exactly) what you intended. So if you only intended to have part
of a relationship, ie only intended to "get the girl" without thinking through the long term relationship, then guess what the magic isn't going to do and that you're going to have to live with instead?
Lots of things, like the other person's questions to themselves about "why the fuck am I still with this loser? I don't get it. Why can't I just leave them?" because they were never brought together in emotional connection (ie, love) but instead were merely brought together in circumstance or situation.
The best way, in my opinion
, to use "love" spells is to use them to create situations where you and the other person can spend time together and get to know each other better; use the magic to align schedules and to reduce/remove distractions. Then it's up to you and the other person to figure it out between yourselves as to whether you really do like each other, or whether that was just a fantasy within your own head (psych 101: are you really in love with the person, or just the person you think they are? as Netero mentioned with the masks).
For you, earthmagus, giving magical advice doesn't really help if you can't produce magic anyway, but you're in the stages of beating yourself up with guilt over what you did. My advice to you it to definitely hate yourself for what you did, and beat yourself up over it so that you can temper your moral compass (then, after the moral compass has been forged, you may relieve yourself of the guilt as you resolve to do it properly/better in the next set of opportunities), but don't do anything stupid by hating yourself too much and creating more problems by acting out of self-loathing.
And, as I've said before, continue talking with and spending time with the girl. You can still be friends with her, even if you did something that you find disgusting. And it is nice for both her and you that you want to help her out now, by allowing her ex back into her life
That's a good decision you're making (well, good intention at least. I don't know if the outcome will be likewise good, but that's for the two of them, or the three of you, or the entire social group, to figure out together).