Author Topic: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.  (Read 5799 times)

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February 27, 2015, 02:45:14 PM
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attempting

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I was feeling suicidal, so I checked myself into a psych ward.
During my visit, I was doing a meditation TDS gave me, and it modified itself without my own intervention.
A burst of light hit me from my higher self, and I could feel my third eye chakra really intensely.
Then everything started changing, I entered the first stages of samadhi, twice.
And then something unbelievable happened. I heard a divine voice in my head start to say things before people around me said them. The first thing being "You're one of us now!" right before my friend said it and shook my hand.
And I've developed a small amount of clairvoyance.
To top things off, I can now communicate with the Goddess I worship, the Great Mother MahaKali.
And when I give myself over to divine will, She can control my body like its on puppet strings.
And now when I look at myself in the mirror, I see the eyes of an Initiate. Vibrant, full of life and color, yet glossed over and detached looking.  
And I can now see God in everyone else's eyes, no matter how dimly from illness or sin.
Life is a beautiful thing.

A week before I finally decided to check myself in, I felt a vague calling to go to the psych ward that I couldn't quite put my finger on, like that's were God/dess wanted me to go. And when I followed it, I came out an entirely new person. No longer feeling like death embodied, but like the Light. And the Darkness. But the darkness is no longer in my heart though my body may not be pure.

I even psi-vamped other spiritual/mental impurities a little bit and then burned them off by praying to Christ and Kali in mantras, and got massive dopamine rushes, but I'm not going to do that any longer, because it would wear me down.

Turns out I was clairaudient all along, and not schizo, just my clairaudience had no filter so anything could get in. Now that I'm connected to Kali and a White Lodge, the negatives cannot penetrate my dome.
« Last Edit: February 27, 2015, 02:51:15 PM by attempting »

February 28, 2015, 03:03:54 PM
Reply #1

Enchia

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It sounds like you had a very profound experience which is interesting. However how do you distinguish between a 'real' spiritual illumination experience and an experience as a result of your mental issues?

February 28, 2015, 11:29:02 PM
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attempting

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Its pretty hard to deny divinity when it's telling you things that happen right infront of your eyes before they happen. And the feeling of samadhi is undeniable. What I experienced was all-connectedness, its like an enlightenment that's the polar opposite of the detached nirvanic state. I've tasted that feeling in meditation for hours last year, as I was breathing in the breath of divinity it cleared me out completely, leaving me feel completely empty yet completely fulfilled.

And the saying that the eyes are the window to the soul, I never "got" that, but now I can see the spark of life in people's eyes vividly, when before they just looked like normal boring eyes that someone with no deeper perception of life would see. I don't think I'm the only one who has ever experienced this. Some people look more dead inside than others.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2015, 11:33:10 PM by attempting »

March 02, 2015, 01:11:48 AM
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Akenu

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March 02, 2015, 02:38:17 PM
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Merlin

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Great! At the very least, it's awesome that you've overcome your suicidal thoughts. Your newfound spirituality is an amazing bonus.
"Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself" -George Bernard Shaw

March 03, 2015, 09:42:13 AM
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attempting

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Lol, I can channel music from lucifer now. But only because he bows down the the power of the God/dess that I am intertwined with. He literally just sings into my head and I just have to write it down or sing it out loud. Illuminati as fuc NWO 4 lyfe. XD

March 03, 2015, 09:43:20 AM
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Akenu

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Lol, I can channel music from lucifer now. But only because he bows down the the power of the God/dess that I am intertwined with.

Aaaaand... you just lost it :D

March 03, 2015, 09:59:53 AM
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attempting

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You might think so, But it sure makes for good art. Its called channeling. I can pull music out of my asshole.

March 03, 2015, 10:04:19 AM
Reply #8

Akenu

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You might think so, But it sure makes for good art. Its called channeling. I can pull music out of my asshole.

Meh, LSD can do the same thing, plus I already saw women shoot ping pong balls out of their holes, your fart songs are no much for that :D (you would still beat Skrillex, though)

March 03, 2015, 10:14:50 AM
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attempting

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I can tell its not just my own musical intellect because the tricky and deceitful quality behind the music. Personally, I would never come up with stuff like that. Also, I'm afraid of trying LSD now because It would completely overwhelm me. Same goes for mushrooms. I used to be able to handle them, but now a little birdy tells me to stay far away if I know whats good for me.

March 03, 2015, 10:29:45 AM
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Akenu

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Talking birdy, eh? You have quite talented bottom :-D. Anyway, yes, stay away from drugs

March 03, 2015, 10:35:30 AM
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attempting

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Lol you don't need to tell me to stay away from drugs. They gave me kundalini syndrome, contact with malevolent entities who taught me how to psi-vamp (really screwed me up) and give the evil eye. I was essentially possessed so I got a power high off fucking people over. Needless to say I suffered immensely bad karma.

March 03, 2015, 02:00:18 PM
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Steve

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Good to hear that you're doing better :)

Best wishes for your future.

~Steve
Mastery does not occur when you've performed a feat once or twice. Instead, it comes after years of training, when you realize that you no longer notice when you're performing a feat which used to require so much effort. Even walking takes years of training for a human: why not everything else?

March 03, 2015, 04:26:20 PM
Reply #13

attempting

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Just because I said I can channel music means I'm delusional? Because I claim I've had contact with divinity means I'm insane? If you think I'm crazy I don't want to be sane. Besides, I can still "act" perfectly normal in real life. You literally cannot deny divinity when its telling you things that will happen right before they happen. Unless EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME was entirely hallucinated, AFTER the fact that I've forseen it. Besides, reality is an illusion anyway. And God is inside of me.

March 04, 2015, 08:38:25 PM
Reply #14

attempting

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Just because I said I can channel music means I'm delusional? Because I claim I've had contact with divinity means I'm insane? If you think I'm crazy I don't want to be sane.

This fits the pattern of your other delusions. For example, you had a delusion that you made a pact with Lilith and she was speaking to you. Now, you can channel music from Lucifer. Furthermore, this happened after you were feeling so psychotic and suicidal that you checked yourself into a psych ward. This is more for other people reading this thread than you, so I am responding to this to respond indirectly to them. I would hope the fact that these experiences happened in a psych ward you had to be checked into would be a clue(I actually suspect that someone else did it for you). I honestly don't understand what goes wonky with people's judgements when people obviously are showing signs of mental illness. You have a history of psychosis. You have a history of delusions. You experienced these delusions in the grip of a depressed state in a psych ward.

I like how you ignored the parts that you can't explain. Like how the music was seeming to come from a higher intelligence than my own. Or how I heard into the future right before it happened.