Yoga and mental illness.

[Calvin]

So, attempting, you are not alone. The path gets easier as long as we allow ourselves to believe it. Use belief as a tool. Don't let others tell you you cannot walk a spiritual path. This life, your life, is your spiritual path, just be mindful of the pitfalls of delving too deeply into arcane and abstract concepts and techniques of the occult.

Typically I avoid making a post just to "thumbs up" or agree with a point, but this is of the utmost importance and something to always be mindful and aware of.   To avoid making a post just to highlight something, Ill add a few words.

Spiritual growth and practice is so much more than just what you study, read, and any particular practice or technique. Spiritual growth is not something that just takes place when you sit down and practice something, or educate yourself on the philosophies of your chosen (or any) path. Spiritual progress is not confounded to or within any technique(s), and does only take place when you sit down to meditate.

Your very life is the arc of your spiritual path. Spiritual growth takes place through living according to spiritual principles, and spiritual practice are those principles in action in daily life.  If one lives upon principle, sacrificing desire to reason, and through will, or faith, ennobles his life then they are practicing 24/7.  Think deep about what you want, because often times people are not even aware of it.  If it is spiritual growth you desire, then brutal self honesty will be required.

[attempting]

One thing I'd like to add to this, is if I could find someone that with the metaphysical ability to tell me if what tormented me was really an entity or just a product of my sick mind, it would be a maricle.
When I was first slipping into my psychosis, I made a pact with the damn thing, it claiming it'd fulfill my every desire, and all I got was nothing, nothing but suffering. It'd take an unimaginable load off my back if someone could tell me for sure that what I experienced was pure psychosis. There is a constant bit of paranoia in the back of my mind that some entity is still attached to me and has power over me, and wants to torment me. Its probably not true. But I don't know, because after everything I've been through, I simply don't know what to believe is real anymore.

[Mind_Bender]

That isn't something a bunch of online pseudo-mystics can tell you. Find a priest/ess of a path you have a good feeling for, or a shaman, and if you're lucky enough, a Medical Qigong and Daoist Master.

Considering you have a history of mental illness, I would say it's mainly your own mind playing tricks on you with a few minor 'demonic' attachments. They each feed each other. Once you have a better handle on your mind you will see more clearly if what you are dealing with are real beings, states of mind, or projections of your own hate and fear.

What helped me when I was going through states of panic, fear, and what I thought were demonic manifestations, was smudging with sage (open your windows to let the smoke and beings out). Don't call on any spiritual forces because the sage smoke clears all energy, good and bad. Remember to smudge yourself first, then the area. It neutralizes the area by uplifting the natural balance and harmony with Earth.

[Shinichi]

One thing I'd like to add to this, is if I could find someone that with the metaphysical ability to tell me if what tormented me was really an entity or just a product of my sick mind, it would be a maricle.
When I was first slipping into my psychosis, I made a pact with the damn thing, it claiming it'd fulfill my every desire, and all I got was nothing, nothing but suffering. It'd take an unimaginable load off my back if someone could tell me for sure that what I experienced was pure psychosis. There is a constant bit of paranoia in the back of my mind that some entity is still attached to me and has power over me, and wants to torment me. Its probably not true. But I don't know, because after everything I've been through, I simply don't know what to believe is real anymore.

In regards to these fears, specifically, perhaps you should note the nature of constructs and thought forms. Whether the original demon was imagined or not, if you sit and obsess over these fears long enough, you'll create the problem yourself. Especially considering what this thread has been about, irrational fears can cause you a lot of trouble.
 
Whether the original "pact" was real or imagined does not matter at this point. Finding balance, overcoming your paranoia, and getting grounded in a natural and healthy life is more important for you. The past is over. Decide who you want to be in the future, and start building that with your present.



~:Shin:~