Author Topic: Occult humor  (Read 25711 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

August 03, 2014, 03:52:12 PM
Reply #15

ImmortalTimothy

  • Settling In

  • Offline
  • *

  • 30
  • Karma:
    2
    • View Profile
Haha

Dracula: I never eat or drink, I am never outside before the sunset, my skin is pale and my intentions dark, I have fangs to drain blood of my victims and there is no protection from me. Who am I?
Answer: A tax collector?

Well the tax collectors in Florida must have adapted to the environment. My father (Tax Collector/Programmer) is very good at hiding these features from me. :P
I am my own God

August 03, 2014, 03:56:43 PM
Reply #16

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
@ImmortalTimothy: I believe in the story of Dracula there was no person running away from him yelling: "RUN! IT'S A GOD DAMN VAMPIRE!!!" :D. They usually took him just like another weird aristocrat :D

August 04, 2014, 02:38:36 AM
Reply #17

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
Ok, I admit this one is horribly old:

August 05, 2014, 01:40:50 AM
Reply #18

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation

August 09, 2014, 02:44:28 PM
Reply #19

Dash

  • Settling In

  • Offline
  • *

  • 14
  • Karma:
    2
    • View Profile
It's a long one.

So, spiritualist invites to his home his non-believer friend for a tour of the spirituali's new outdoor sanctuary. Upon the non-believers arrival, the spiritualist begins to excitedly explain his new sanctuary. The non-believer scoffs and mocks at every turn.

SP: "this the altar at which I burn frankincense to create a peaceful and calm environment for the spirits with which I wish to commune."

NB: "so you just burn things and then some greater things appear to hang out with you/"

SP:"more or less, it's not quite that simple. And sometimes it's not quite that safe. There are dangerous and malicious spirits, you know."

NB: "oh yes, I'm quite sure. Generally, they roll in on flaming unicorns."

The spiritualist ignores the stab and goes on to explain
SP:"sometimes, I have to burn this sage to keep away negative and evil energies. This helps to keep me safe."

NB: "or you could get a gun."

The spiritualist ignores his friend again and explains more of hs rituals and experiences. The friend, not really interested, picks up a dried and spiraled stick from a separate altar.

NB: "and what is this? Dried snake to raise the dead? Dessicate slug for natural male enhancement?"

The spiritualist sighs and responds, "no, that's Off brand repellant. It keeps the mosquitoes away."

August 10, 2014, 03:08:37 PM
Reply #20

hecate8

  • Settling In

  • Offline
  • *

  • 35
  • Karma:
    1
    • View Profile
Why can't the witch get pregnant?
Her husband has a halloweener.
Cops can't win the war on drugs. Legalize now!

August 11, 2014, 01:56:25 AM
Reply #21

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When the ritual goes awry, it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between the gibbering monstrosity to pump full of silver bullets and the gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few hours, some B complex, and a good hot bath.

August 21, 2014, 05:20:38 PM
Reply #22

Calvin

  • Veritas Moderator
  • Veritas Furniture

  • Offline
  • *****
  • Im in your statues

  • 375
  • Karma:
    15
  • Personal Text
    ...watchin your peoples
    • View Profile
Contrary to historical belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When the ritual goes awry, it is vitally necessary to be able to discern between the gibbering monstrosity to pump full of silver bullets and the gibbering monstrosity that will fade away after a few hours, some B complex, and a good hot bath.
Im sure Crowley and Neuberg figured that one out the hard way in the desert lol.

Anyway... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujqoQ6V_kl0
Vitamyst

"The only source of knowledge is experience."

"Like, how do you summon 1.4 significant members? Simple, 1 significant member, followed by a certain number of random occurences of Arck."
-Vivi, on the summoning of past members

August 31, 2014, 12:37:08 PM
Reply #23

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
Ok, this is maybe the very first time, when aquaman got any actual power...

« Last Edit: September 01, 2014, 01:06:34 AM by Akenu »

September 09, 2014, 11:34:39 AM
Reply #24

Middelnil

  • Settling In

  • Offline
  • *

  • 44
  • Karma:
    2
    • View Profile
What happens when the mage combines a frostbolt and a fireball?
- A frostfire bolt.

What happens when a mage casts a frostbolt at water elemental?
- The water elemental regenerates.

How to defend against a dark word?
- By shielding. Or by countering it with a holy word!


Some of you may notice what I used as a reference for these.... or at least some of you can guess, wow, or can you?

August 31, 2015, 11:45:12 PM
Reply #25

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
@Middelnil: (longest reply ever) I guess HOMM?

Anyway, do you know one of the questions of sphinx? "WHAT'SSSZ YOUR FAVOURITE COLORRRRR???" (Monty Python reference)

September 02, 2015, 02:38:12 AM
Reply #26

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
Why cursive should be banned from grimoires.

September 03, 2015, 02:52:54 PM
Reply #27

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
This one is old, but funny :)

September 21, 2015, 06:45:25 AM
Reply #28

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation

October 14, 2015, 09:46:45 AM
Reply #29

Akenu

  • Posts By Osmosis

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 3312
  • Karma:
    -42
  • Personal Text
    यम या रा आना
    • View Profile
    • Akenu's Initiation
Classic :D