Author Topic: Undoing a pact....  (Read 3302 times)

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April 26, 2014, 08:59:04 AM
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attempting

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I'll start with a little back-story, about a year ago I went into a hard-core psychotic episode, that involved the voices in my head identifying themself as Lilith, and long story short I ended up making a pact with "her" for certain things in exchange for me serving in the afterlife. Now, it was most likely entirely in my head, and if there was some spirit fucking with me it probably wasn't lilith, but this has been pure paranoia fuel for me, even though nothing on my side of the bargain came through for me, so I'd assume its invalid. To this day I have a voice in my head that isn't really mine, and is probably the result of brain damage from massive sleep deprivation, it never keeps one identity and has even admitted to me that its just a figment of my imagination.

It's a pretty fucked up situation, there is a 99% chance that there is no real spiritual significance to it, but is there any way to be absolutely sure I'm not bound by any pact?

 :headwall: :headwall: :headwall:

April 26, 2014, 12:16:56 PM
Reply #1

Mind_Bender

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That's a hard one to answer because different people will tell you different things, each valid in their own way. Coming from somone that has involved themselves in demonic magic, at which one point I 'sold my soul' to Satan (I was only 13... a bit immature at the time) I noticed the effects of my pact years later (Note: Pacts such as with demons can be in the long or short term. I had a feeling of immediacy - impatience - but never directly stated at which point the pact needed to be fulfilled).

It took some time, but by the time I was in my 20's the agreement had been fullfilled, give or take a few mishaps of life (which are natural for the most part). Now that I shared that little bit on my Satanic past, the fruition of the deal can be broken down into two basic possibilities - 1) Satan/demons came through on our agreement, or, 2) Because I wanted the desires so bad at the time and was into Satanism, I used the belief to overpower my doubt (psychic censor) and used the pact and demon more like a sigil the way Chaos Magicians would, unbeknownst at the time.

In conclusion, in depends on how strong you believe the pact or being to be. Exorcism in its most basic form is simply retiring beliefs based on fear and hate and allowing yourself to face the reality, whether you want to believe it or not, that you created or invited those feelings or beings of fear, hate, whatever you dislike, and accepting your personal power over such hardships and sufferings.
"Spirit is in a state of grace forever.
Your reality is only spirit.
Therefore you are in a state of grace forever."

"As relfections of the Source, we are little gods."

"...part of me doesn't want to believe that auto-eroticism while crushing on a doodle (sigil) could manifest a check in the mail box, but hey, it did."

"Everybody laughs the same language."

April 27, 2014, 11:41:32 AM
Reply #2

Mind_Bender

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I wasn't going to say anything because to some it may sound odd and 'ooky-spooky, teeny witch' but I did worship Satan and the Four Cardinal Princes of Hell, among other demonic beings. I gave my praise through spreading the Satanic word to friends and doing magic in the Names of 'the damned.' I was young and did not understand everything I was doing, but I always had a naturally sensitivity to people's feelings and esoteric forces (spirits to some, mental constructs to others) that would give me insights into probable futures and the ability to choose certain outcomes through magic.

I may have been young, but my Contracts were made with all the religious trappings of devotion and what little tools and incantation books I had and results happened. Sure, some of us may have mental aberrations, but certain psychological problems could also be spiritual in nature.

As for the original poster, it takes time (experience) and education to see through to the reality of what is happening. Demons, angels, Gods, Goddesses, Fae, exist in the forms and names they have based on cultural and religious upbringing. In my belief and experience they all exist but in a form of mental construction based on race suggestion and subjective experience of external psycho-spiritual (conscious, in other words) aspects of reality we are still trying to understand.
"Spirit is in a state of grace forever.
Your reality is only spirit.
Therefore you are in a state of grace forever."

"As relfections of the Source, we are little gods."

"...part of me doesn't want to believe that auto-eroticism while crushing on a doodle (sigil) could manifest a check in the mail box, but hey, it did."

"Everybody laughs the same language."

May 01, 2014, 08:29:21 AM
Reply #3

Steve

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It doesn't really matter. A developed enough practitioner could directly remove their delusions, but someone in the original poster's state is basically going to have to go through it as though the Lilith is real. Whether the Lilith is real or is just an imagination, attempting subconsciously (and partially consciously) believes it is real, so to break the pact it would need to be treated as real.

Attempting: For how to break the pact, go through similar "religious trappings" to what you did the first time, summon up the demon, and speak with her. Ask why she hasn't owned up to her end of the bargain, and if the answer doesn't meet the agreement (don't let them use stupid statements like "well, you're not doing enough" or "it will be in time" or "i have bigger things planned if you just be a little patient or just swear a little more to me me" or "i'm a god and you're a worm, who are you to question me" etc), then declare that you are not going to hold up the contract either. Reiterate to her that it's a contract for a reason; both parties are bound to it, and if she does not want to adhere to it, then you are not bound to it either.

If there were stipulations that have not come true, but which should have by now, then the other party is not holding up the agreement. You're not obligated to serve her for even one second, let alone an eternity, if she's not willing to do anything on her end of the contract.

~Steve
Mastery does not occur when you've performed a feat once or twice. Instead, it comes after years of training, when you realize that you no longer notice when you're performing a feat which used to require so much effort. Even walking takes years of training for a human: why not everything else?

May 02, 2014, 09:39:41 AM
Reply #4

attempting

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All the anti-psychotics in the world can't seem to fully remove this delusion I have, when I'm slipping into a mania is when I wrote the original post and when it feels the most real to me, when there is the most personality behind it. But normally its more distant and rather a shadow of its former self, but always on the border of my consciousness. I guess I'm just perma-fucked.

May 02, 2014, 12:36:50 PM
Reply #5

Mind_Bender

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Look into Shadow work where you meditate on all the aspects of yourself you would rather not have. List these shadow aspects in a journal and work on them from least traumatic to most traumatic (through time) by meditating on the feelings, images, and other sensations that may come up and allowing your conscious mind and heart to accept these aspects of your internal shadow.

Sometimes a suppressed memory will resurface or a psychosomatic pain will bring itself to your awareness that you can now work with. For example; 'why does my big toe hurt?' Maybe because you are lacking balance in life (demons often represent disharmonious elements in life and self) Or maybe you remember a time when you were ashamed of sexual feelings/actions which is why you get the impression of 'Lilith.'

Study the history and folklore of Lilith and pinpoint relations of her stories to your present concerns. Some would argue that this type of work will only lead to more mental damage without a professional, which may be true, but sometimes by us having the inner strength to face our demons and shadow selves alone we come out stronger and more balanced than before. If you are worried it is a real demon, do all your work in a consecrated space and smudge and shower after each session. Be careful and if you ever feel you cannot handle it, stop and seek help from a qualified professional. You may also want to try praying to an angelic or enlightened being for comfort and protection as well.
"Spirit is in a state of grace forever.
Your reality is only spirit.
Therefore you are in a state of grace forever."

"As relfections of the Source, we are little gods."

"...part of me doesn't want to believe that auto-eroticism while crushing on a doodle (sigil) could manifest a check in the mail box, but hey, it did."

"Everybody laughs the same language."

May 03, 2014, 10:37:27 AM
Reply #6

Ameer

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My best advise to you is ask.  Beings can only do what you ask them to. Also, try to find a loophole to get out of a pact if there is one.  Ask the angels to help you end the pact if there is one, ask for forgiveness as well when you pray to them.  Ask God to end your pact.  Do the LBRP (Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram).  Get some holy water and cross yourself perhaps. Your goal is to banish this being.


If the above doesn't work, try getting some medicine for Schizophrenia.  The being may be waiting for you to find a solution by natural means so it can sneak away and let you believe you were just ill.  Try the above first though so your golden.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2014, 11:02:15 AM by Ameer »

May 04, 2014, 10:12:44 AM
Reply #7

attempting

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I'm heavily medicated, including meds also used to treat schizophrenia, it only takes the edge off, and doesn't eliminate the problem. Next time I talk to my doctor I could ask him to try something else but I've been through a handful of different meds and they only treat the really bad stuff, like not being able to sleep for days, hallucinations and paranoia, delusions, etc. The only thing that stuck around was the "spirit voice".

If only I was good friends with an adept wizard  :cow:

May 04, 2014, 04:55:16 PM
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Ameer

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You can do it yourself, just have confidence in yourself and your Will.  I would do the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram and/or the Greater Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram.  After you call the archangels try asking them for forgiveness and to end the pact, tell them what is going on. Good Luck.

May 04, 2014, 10:39:21 PM
Reply #9

Steve

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And if a way to undo the pact, according to said poster's delusions, were to kill someone, what do you think your advice would be implying? If we treat the pact as real, and a way to undo the pact, per the delusion, was to kill someone, you would be implying that the poster should kill someone. That is just an example of high your advice can backfire. The thing that I find is the most effective in the exorcising of delusional demons is medication. I am not saying that is what is going to happen or what is even likely to happen. I am just pointing out how telling someone to believe in their delusions is quite dangerous and will not rid them of the delusion.
Okay, that's stupid.

If you had properly read both the opening post and my reply, you'd have realized that NOWHERE did I imply or state that the original poster should be asking for orders to fulfill. I said that attempting should be asking Lilith why Lilith isn't upholding her end of the pact. I also said that if Lilith's reply was unsatisfactory at all, then the pact is obviously already broken. There's no justification for Lilith trying to saddle requests on attempting in order to break something that's not being fulfilled on Lilith's end; that would be retarded.

The original pact in question here was that Lilith was supposed to do something for attempting. So coming up with this idea that Lilith would ask attempting to kill someone (or do anything whatsoever) in order for Lilith to get out of having to do something for attempting... what thread are you reading?

Attempting: "Hey Lilith, let's make a pact. I need some things done and you can do them, and after you do them then I'll be your slave in the afterlife."
Lilith: "Okay, deal."
<Time passes. Lilith doesn't do what she said she will>
Attempting: "Uh, hey Lilith. What happened to our agreement? You're not holding up your end of the pact. You know what? I want out now."
Lilith: "Oh well, you see, that's the tricky part. If you want out, then you'll have to do something for me eventhough I haven't done anything for you."
Attempting: "Wait, what? So you were supposed to do something for me first and in return I'd then do something for you, but now I have to do something for you just to confirm that you are no longer going to do something for me WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY NOT DOING THAT VERY THING FOR ME? No. That's stupid."

Nothing in my advice gives any indication whatsoever that Lilith would have the right to ask attempting to do anything at all, let alone asking her to kill someone.

~Steve
Mastery does not occur when you've performed a feat once or twice. Instead, it comes after years of training, when you realize that you no longer notice when you're performing a feat which used to require so much effort. Even walking takes years of training for a human: why not everything else?

May 05, 2014, 01:50:06 AM
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Mind_Bender

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Here's what my intoxicated self has to say about making a pact with Lilith from first hand experience (argue all you want, it won't change the experience itself):

I practiced Qliphotic meditations and invocations for 30 days straight, meditating and journaling every day, on my journeys with the denizens of 'Hell' (a perversion of the Nordic realm ruled by Hel, a chtonic, not strictly evil, deity). I worked with the demonic aspects for the alloted time with the the intention of being forever in their grace... blah, blah, blah, I find myself in a situation I no longer have control over. Lilith, and the Qliphotic entities, have shone my lust for result as an oppurtunity of a life time... make life my own on my terms or die a worm in the bullsh* t of corporate slavery and social disease. Lilith and her demonic offspring have gifted me with the pain of making life what I deem fit or falling by the sword of external circumstance. To ask Lilith to finish her end of the deal is a null point, and if she asks you to fulfill your end is also a null point... Lilith, like any other demon or deity, is a construct of your personal reality. Conjurations are simply extensions of our fear or courage of a given situation. The one we feed is the one that holds power.

Attempting, if you are on all these medications, STOP playing around with magic and religion and search for Lilith in media, such as comic books and movies and see the message within such context... or start living a 'normal' life of family, work/school, and personal excitment (hobbies). You are giving too much power over to an ancient representation of lust and abandonment. Seek your life. Be yourself away from Veritas and metaphysics until you are comfortable in your own shoes. Dealing with demons is a psychological mind f***. Be you and love you for it, whoever you are,

On a deeper note, demons and devils are tricky, and I would not suggest summoning a force such as Lilith in a ceremonial or ritualistic format as this can cause more harm than good. If you have not directly worked with Lilith's thoughtform, any advice is purely subjective and useless.
"Spirit is in a state of grace forever.
Your reality is only spirit.
Therefore you are in a state of grace forever."

"As relfections of the Source, we are little gods."

"...part of me doesn't want to believe that auto-eroticism while crushing on a doodle (sigil) could manifest a check in the mail box, but hey, it did."

"Everybody laughs the same language."

May 06, 2014, 12:41:58 PM
Reply #11

attempting

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At this point I am fairly sure I am not pact-bound to any entity, and trust me I have been doing lots of praying, but... The "spirit voice" in my head makes it impossible for me to pin it down for what it is, for example. It will admit that its all a product of mental illness and that its really my own mind turned against me and another voice will cut it off telling me that is a lie, etc. I ask it its true identity and I never get a straight answer. The other night as I was falling asleep I stayed aware throughout the process and its speak morphed into sped up alien gibberish... Seems the best I can do is not think about it and try different medications. If that fails I guess I'll just have to live my life a crazy person.

May 07, 2014, 08:23:43 PM
Reply #12

EllyEve

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At this point I am fairly sure I am not pact-bound to any entity, and trust me I have been doing lots of praying, but... The "spirit voice" in my head makes it impossible for me to pin it down for what it is, for example. It will admit that its all a product of mental illness and that its really my own mind turned against me and another voice will cut it off telling me that is a lie, etc.

 I ask it its true identity and I never get a straight answer. The other night as I was falling asleep I stayed aware throughout the process and its speak morphed into sped up alien gibberish... Seems the best I can do is not think about it and try different medications. If that fails I guess I'll just have to live my life a crazy person.

If you have to ask if you're really under a pact, then I'd actually decide that...no, you're not.

Even if you are, it seems as weak only as the inverse of your belief and decisions.

For example, I read somewhere that people might have troubles with their love lives or with money because of a vow of chastity or poverty that they might have taken in a previous life. I won't say that I meditated on it and now am bangin' like five dudes and two chicks a week and am up to my eyeballs in bling--but it was an idea that I explored, and I did sense some conceptual limits concerning these matters, and with something like the recommended Shadow work, I feel that these were able to dissipate.

The attachment could work the same way. It's not a legally-binding contract that you'll get put in jail for backing out on. It's a concept. That doesn't mean it isn't real, that just means that you can deal with it on the level of the concept.


May 09, 2014, 07:35:54 AM
Reply #13

attempting

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I think that the "spirit voice" I'm cursed with is an internal demon that manifested because when I broke psychotic (and seemingly was possessed.....) I was psi-vamping people like crazy, but feeding exclusively on impurities, god knows why and is a seperate entity than the "Lilith" I came into contact with while in coocooland.
So basically psychosis got the ball rolling and I did the rest of the work creating this demon myself, as the collective result of all the spiritual shit i ate.

If it doesn't go away with better medication than I'm hoping maybe meditating on divinity via theurgy or perhaps kriya yoga could help rid my mind of this trash.