So far, I swear, I want to study everything pagan in sight as you all know.
My book list this year was only 18. One fiction book, (yes, I know, I studied creative writing, and wtf am I doing reading non-fiction?), the rest all non-fiction books on metaphysical, and magick topics. I'm like, hoping for 30 books this year.
Along with reading about psi, as if the whole I'm beyond neurotic about how sometimes metal objects seem to change shape in my hands, often without my willing it to happen, I have been trying to read as much as I can on those subjects as well, having found some good web pages on the subject, http://learn-telekinesis-training.com/
I find that page quite thorough actually besides informative without a woo-woo mystical ooh bent which I find somewhat distasteful about indigo communities. What happened to earth-plain mundania for God's sake? Are you guys so strung out over your spechul that you can't see the practical stuff we need to get done despite your warrior spirit anger over it? Step A leads to Step B which leads to Step C or Step D. You can't just go to City councils or other open meetings to chant about how spechul the indigo movement is but rather, lend your energy towards telling them what you want, openly.
The thing is, the second somebody tells me that so and so is dangerous to read, or that idea is dangerous or whatever, I'm immediately falling headlong into it, at times giving them one or two middle fingers that I was born with! Some Christians would say, come to Christianity, you innocent little girl, you are into a bad path, yet pagans somehow respect the divinity in me as I in them, so I have had to deal with less disrespect in that community by far! When someone says, I don't want you to read whatever, I go straight for it. How dare a Christian treat me as though I'm stupid or something, when I know what I'm into? The Ancient Mysteries surrounding all faiths are quite powerful but modern day organized forms of Christianity can seek at times, to degrade people's self-respect tied to their power of choice.
Hell, I want to study Crowley now because I wonder at why people are so scared of his mixture of truth laced with bull. What made him become a nutcase drug addict besides working with dark demons, his work influencing Satanism among other paths? What did he contribute to OTO & such paths I'm starting to learn about though my mind is not so open that my brains are falling out? When you claim to be open-minded my friends, look out because people are more than happy to shove their own ideas into your brain!
The vampiric aura technique he wrote for example, can be modified to return the energy that you robbed someone of! I can change my aura color to black if nothing else. I do it for my own personal safety since I wig out when I perceive negativity in my direction but then again there is much to ignore anyway in stores. I go nuts as it is, I have decided therefore that retail is a bad environment!
I also want to know, frankly, what's so scary about the Satanic path in general? Are they just negative people or is that a horrible stereotype seeing as I met one in college who was a pretty good friend? I can't exactly bring myself to attend anything they do, hell no, but I want to study Masonry which also has this rep as a Satanic thing but it depends on the lodge. Masonry has a bad rep due to all the secrecy & woo woo attached. I think Golden Dawn seems interesting too but I have to pick at least one or two seeing as I can devote some time this year to the spiritual given I'm not in school. (sigh)
Then again if I take one or two classes online at an accredited school for paralegal studies, that might have some kind of credit exchange with a university that has a law department, I'll be doing great along with maybe taking some stuff for my grad school credits seeing as I want to start psychology but I live in mortal fear of the GRE which I see myself taking a few times since I've never been a good tester to begin with.
Between school in low doses, work in low doses and not overdoing but rather, excelling in be-ing shall we say, I want to make sure I keep up with what I'm working on spiritually. My coven is Wiccan, heavily Gardenarian influenced, eclectic. It turned out to be the saner place rather than the whacked out spiritualist circle/church that went totally under when reverend takes our cash and runs, without so much as a whisper to our mediumship certification status. Hell, I'd like to be taken seriously with that.
Nevermind that I have to get the practical things like getting a job & other governmental cash flows squared away which I will dash off to the Main Hall to update you about. More magickal workings abound right now for these purposes, since I have tons of ideas in the floating around in my head stage.
The second somebody says there is a territory that's "bad" for me or forbidden to me, I'm gonna go into it because its human nature. Why on earth do some people seem to think I'm just a kid when I'm a powerful woman for God's sake? Its like they want to tear that down! Excuse me if that's not going to happen. I can read whatever the hell I want now first of all. This is why I get mad at that. You see, when I was growing up, somebody told me I couldn't read Firebrand (Marion Zimmer Bradley). Okay, then why was it in the bookshelf still? Oh and girls today, why tf would anybody let them read mind-warping garbage like Twilight? Isn't Kassandra of Troy a much better role-model than Bella for God's sake? Bella's just a whiny little werewolf/vampire groupie anyway who gets converted which means she can still die if her vampire body gets killed but in a more horrific way than she would as a human? I would not let my kids (not that I want any, EVER), read this Twilight crap to begin with! I'd rather if anything, shove Firebrand into their eager hands!
You know I was going to attempt to read as much as I could when parents were gone? I told my entire creative writing class about this one, I had the class laughing hysterically for the most part at the way my parents still don't know. That Thanksgiving, I do believe I confessed. This was pre-Twilight I imagine. I think its probably been erased from the mind of my traumatized mother who still wonders why I didn't turn out a Good Catholic?
Firebrand can turn many pagan actually, it was my first very fascinating introduction to a concept that I had always suspected about besides, the female aspect of creation that the Catholic Church kept hidden from people or disguised as Mary, which some fundies, apparently, feel is a waste of time.
The Goddess was an eye-opening experience to come into contact with. Firebrand also happened to turn me into a writer besides. Much magick can influence creativity of course but then that's a book left for me to write. However, paganism is misunderstood as this superstitious nonsense we take literally because we supposedly live in this la-la land of magicikal thinking yet many of us on this site seem to be rational people who look for alternative explanations before we jump to a conclusion? 'Cuse also, if the majority of us believe in working hard on concrete stuff before you consider a spell's survival as valid or effective? Scientology has similar leanings in the magickal realm that I sense but actually don't completely understand let alone approve of their money-grubbing ways.
Coercion is not a part of religion in my mind but organized religion you notice, thrives on it. This would be left in Spirituality as another post. Yes, folks, I have a problem when somebody says that whatever magickal blah blah is dangerous to me. The people who really respect me as a person, will not say "pick a path and stick with it" but rather suggest how to manage my time or tell me to make sure I do. I mean, do people have half a brain in their heads to know I'm a rationalist in some ways? In the indigo communities, they freak out at that because I'm like, hey who says I have to believe every thought or impression that pops into my head, everything I read or hear like some thought-less drone? I'm not an effing robot! I have to reiterate though before I get the AAH dangerous reaction or lecture that I'm only reading about Satanism, to understand, not, omfg, lets do this!? Satan? Hmm. I'm not exactly wiccan though, I'm a non-wiccan witch that uses the wiccan system, but I consider myself more occult leaning. The second somebody says, "occultism has a bad reputation", its like, hey cool! bring it on! The last thing I need to hear though from some whiner who claims to want to protect me but doesn't really give a shit, is "that's dangerous, or I don't want you studying that, if I'm going to xyz mentor you or teach you". How freakin old am I? I'm an adult!
I'm going to age well. I still get carded when I ask for booze. I responsibly wait the prescribed amount of time to drive. I'm otherwise very capable in the realm of social life, school and work. Comes from hearing from other "adults" with the maturity of null space whilst they are engaged in the bullshit that is black and white thinking or black/white magickal perceptual tendencies, that I should do this or should do that or whatever. Can I listen to myself already? Oh wait, I forgot why, because my rage can take over and make me psycho. Maybe that's why Sekhmet, my patron Deity and myself, get along so well! She tends to try to tell me to think straight. Emotion cannot run your life. You have to regulate it internally. I am no longer bound by the censorship rules a (former) Catholic kid was bound by. People in my family will treat me as though I'm stupid for even being fascinated by the occult to begin with but like, what do they know? Self-respect is imminently tied to the wielding of the universal forces that magick is but see, I'm not giving up being pagan to get along with family who wouldn't respect me even if I was Catholic? Giving up self-respect is giving up your power but see, I want to take care of my personal safety at large, emotional, & physical. My self-respect is far more important than my religion though. The self-esteem movement fucked up in coining a term such as that, they should have simply used self-respect that would have been taken more seriously.
Your thoughts are graciously welcome and appreciated since I've not heard it once from any of you, "ooh that's dangerous", somehow you guys get it in a community like this as diverse as we are, with even the occasional Christian who isn't going to engage in smarmy, "you're going to hell" whining. LOL. I used to try to think like that to see why they did but then I realized just how stupid it might get inside their heads when they alienate people different from them. I suppose that when somebody says "that's dangerous," they still envision me as a child they knew, who has given up the Catholic baptism, first communion and confirmation my parents invested in, now somewhat viewing it as a waste? Okay, well, I'm not going to care since I realize self-respect can be viewed in a secular format as well.
Peace & Happy New Year!