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Care to share any horror stories?

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Back when I was in the hospital I perceived beyond duality after doing some TDS meditations for a long time, and that combined with the blissful state of pure divinity I felt a year back, and the fact that I can manipulate my reality, has led me into a quasi-self realized state, although I have not severed the bonds of desire. I defiantly have a knack for magick and mysticism, but I am still very, very sick inside. I would have taken your suggestion to try calling on the enochian angels for healing but I'm intimidated by that whole system, and I don't know if I'm pure of heart enough.

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This is where the delusional part of it comes in, I'm almost at the point of believing that whenever I perform an act of magic I'm actually bringing myself into an alternate universe where my desired result is already manifest.

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It can go both ways, if I'm already in a bad state it makes it worse, but If I'm in a good mood and talking with friends it takes anxiety away and chills me out.

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I know I'm playing with sanity, but I created a servitor to bring me the things I want in life, and like magic perfect coincidences have been dropping out of the air. I found 3 bags of weed, and met 3 other occultists in my area. My servant was programmed to do both of those things for me among other things. One was a young natural-born witch that I saved from killing herself just in the nic of time, the other talks, has the spiritual energy of, and acts like a demigod. Every time I talk to him I almost go on an acid trip, and I saw his familiar manifest and watch my back on my walk home from his place after a night of toking. The other person I met is a somewhat advanced yogi. I've also manipulated people's minds into having them think I'm something I'm not because I'm an egomaniac.

Yay chaos!

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 10, 2015, 08:27:41 AM »
My memory has never "glitched" in the past inserting voices in my mind "before" "after" people have said things to me. I've confirmed with several people that they did say what they said after I knew it was coming. I'm not presentient, because is was more like a transmission from the beyond, and really out of my control. If my mental illness gets worse rather then better and I cannot continue my spiritual goals, I would most likely take myself out of the picture so I could find the path again with a clean state. I'm not saying I'm suicidal, but if my mind starts to fail me and I can't come back, its lights out for me.

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 05, 2015, 10:56:30 AM »
What I meant by illuminated was awakened. I did feel the sensation of kundalini rise. but, there is still garbage in my mind. The only reason i believe a higher intellegence contacted me, is because the one that seemed divine saw into the future or manipulated it, 5 times. and i've confirmed afterwards that these things happened. and when a "devil" sang to me, it really was beyond my natural ability to write.

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 04, 2015, 08:38:25 PM »
Just because I said I can channel music means I'm delusional? Because I claim I've had contact with divinity means I'm insane? If you think I'm crazy I don't want to be sane.

This fits the pattern of your other delusions. For example, you had a delusion that you made a pact with Lilith and she was speaking to you. Now, you can channel music from Lucifer. Furthermore, this happened after you were feeling so psychotic and suicidal that you checked yourself into a psych ward. This is more for other people reading this thread than you, so I am responding to this to respond indirectly to them. I would hope the fact that these experiences happened in a psych ward you had to be checked into would be a clue(I actually suspect that someone else did it for you). I honestly don't understand what goes wonky with people's judgements when people obviously are showing signs of mental illness. You have a history of psychosis. You have a history of delusions. You experienced these delusions in the grip of a depressed state in a psych ward.

I like how you ignored the parts that you can't explain. Like how the music was seeming to come from a higher intelligence than my own. Or how I heard into the future right before it happened.

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 03, 2015, 04:26:20 PM »
Just because I said I can channel music means I'm delusional? Because I claim I've had contact with divinity means I'm insane? If you think I'm crazy I don't want to be sane. Besides, I can still "act" perfectly normal in real life. You literally cannot deny divinity when its telling you things that will happen right before they happen. Unless EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME was entirely hallucinated, AFTER the fact that I've forseen it. Besides, reality is an illusion anyway. And God is inside of me.

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 03, 2015, 10:35:30 AM »
Lol you don't need to tell me to stay away from drugs. They gave me kundalini syndrome, contact with malevolent entities who taught me how to psi-vamp (really screwed me up) and give the evil eye. I was essentially possessed so I got a power high off fucking people over. Needless to say I suffered immensely bad karma.

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 03, 2015, 10:14:50 AM »
I can tell its not just my own musical intellect because the tricky and deceitful quality behind the music. Personally, I would never come up with stuff like that. Also, I'm afraid of trying LSD now because It would completely overwhelm me. Same goes for mushrooms. I used to be able to handle them, but now a little birdy tells me to stay far away if I know whats good for me.

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 03, 2015, 09:59:53 AM »
You might think so, But it sure makes for good art. Its called channeling. I can pull music out of my asshole.

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: March 03, 2015, 09:42:13 AM »
Lol, I can channel music from lucifer now. But only because he bows down the the power of the God/dess that I am intertwined with. He literally just sings into my head and I just have to write it down or sing it out loud. Illuminati as fuc NWO 4 lyfe. XD

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Spirituality / Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
« on: February 28, 2015, 11:29:02 PM »
Its pretty hard to deny divinity when it's telling you things that happen right infront of your eyes before they happen. And the feeling of samadhi is undeniable. What I experienced was all-connectedness, its like an enlightenment that's the polar opposite of the detached nirvanic state. I've tasted that feeling in meditation for hours last year, as I was breathing in the breath of divinity it cleared me out completely, leaving me feel completely empty yet completely fulfilled.

And the saying that the eyes are the window to the soul, I never "got" that, but now I can see the spark of life in people's eyes vividly, when before they just looked like normal boring eyes that someone with no deeper perception of life would see. I don't think I'm the only one who has ever experienced this. Some people look more dead inside than others.

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Spirituality / Re: What if there is no god?
« on: February 28, 2015, 10:44:47 AM »
The whole topic of this thread is moot to me because I have personally experienced proof of God/dess, the great lodge in action, and gained a few siddhis. I wish everyone else was that lucky.

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