The Veritas Society

Discussion Areas => Spirituality => Topic started by: attempting on February 27, 2015, 02:45:14 PM

Title: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on February 27, 2015, 02:45:14 PM
I was feeling suicidal, so I checked myself into a psych ward.
During my visit, I was doing a meditation TDS gave me, and it modified itself without my own intervention.
A burst of light hit me from my higher self, and I could feel my third eye chakra really intensely.
Then everything started changing, I entered the first stages of samadhi, twice.
And then something unbelievable happened. I heard a divine voice in my head start to say things before people around me said them. The first thing being "You're one of us now!" right before my friend said it and shook my hand.
And I've developed a small amount of clairvoyance.
To top things off, I can now communicate with the Goddess I worship, the Great Mother MahaKali.
And when I give myself over to divine will, She can control my body like its on puppet strings.
And now when I look at myself in the mirror, I see the eyes of an Initiate. Vibrant, full of life and color, yet glossed over and detached looking.  
And I can now see God in everyone else's eyes, no matter how dimly from illness or sin.
Life is a beautiful thing.

A week before I finally decided to check myself in, I felt a vague calling to go to the psych ward that I couldn't quite put my finger on, like that's were God/dess wanted me to go. And when I followed it, I came out an entirely new person. No longer feeling like death embodied, but like the Light. And the Darkness. But the darkness is no longer in my heart though my body may not be pure.

I even psi-vamped other spiritual/mental impurities a little bit and then burned them off by praying to Christ and Kali in mantras, and got massive dopamine rushes, but I'm not going to do that any longer, because it would wear me down.

Turns out I was clairaudient all along, and not schizo, just my clairaudience had no filter so anything could get in. Now that I'm connected to Kali and a White Lodge, the negatives cannot penetrate my dome.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Enchia on February 28, 2015, 03:03:54 PM
It sounds like you had a very profound experience which is interesting. However how do you distinguish between a 'real' spiritual illumination experience and an experience as a result of your mental issues?
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on February 28, 2015, 11:29:02 PM
Its pretty hard to deny divinity when it's telling you things that happen right infront of your eyes before they happen. And the feeling of samadhi is undeniable. What I experienced was all-connectedness, its like an enlightenment that's the polar opposite of the detached nirvanic state. I've tasted that feeling in meditation for hours last year, as I was breathing in the breath of divinity it cleared me out completely, leaving me feel completely empty yet completely fulfilled.

And the saying that the eyes are the window to the soul, I never "got" that, but now I can see the spark of life in people's eyes vividly, when before they just looked like normal boring eyes that someone with no deeper perception of life would see. I don't think I'm the only one who has ever experienced this. Some people look more dead inside than others.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Akenu on March 02, 2015, 01:11:48 AM
Well, good for you :).
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Merlin on March 02, 2015, 02:38:17 PM
Great! At the very least, it's awesome that you've overcome your suicidal thoughts. Your newfound spirituality is an amazing bonus.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 03, 2015, 09:42:13 AM
Lol, I can channel music from lucifer now. But only because he bows down the the power of the God/dess that I am intertwined with. He literally just sings into my head and I just have to write it down or sing it out loud. Illuminati as fuc NWO 4 lyfe. XD
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Akenu on March 03, 2015, 09:43:20 AM
Lol, I can channel music from lucifer now. But only because he bows down the the power of the God/dess that I am intertwined with.

Aaaaand... you just lost it :D
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 03, 2015, 09:59:53 AM
You might think so, But it sure makes for good art. Its called channeling. I can pull music out of my asshole.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Akenu on March 03, 2015, 10:04:19 AM
You might think so, But it sure makes for good art. Its called channeling. I can pull music out of my asshole.

Meh, LSD can do the same thing, plus I already saw women shoot ping pong balls out of their holes, your fart songs are no much for that :D (you would still beat Skrillex, though)
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 03, 2015, 10:14:50 AM
I can tell its not just my own musical intellect because the tricky and deceitful quality behind the music. Personally, I would never come up with stuff like that. Also, I'm afraid of trying LSD now because It would completely overwhelm me. Same goes for mushrooms. I used to be able to handle them, but now a little birdy tells me to stay far away if I know whats good for me.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Akenu on March 03, 2015, 10:29:45 AM
Talking birdy, eh? You have quite talented bottom :-D. Anyway, yes, stay away from drugs
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 03, 2015, 10:35:30 AM
Lol you don't need to tell me to stay away from drugs. They gave me kundalini syndrome, contact with malevolent entities who taught me how to psi-vamp (really screwed me up) and give the evil eye. I was essentially possessed so I got a power high off fucking people over. Needless to say I suffered immensely bad karma.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Steve on March 03, 2015, 02:00:18 PM
Good to hear that you're doing better :)

Best wishes for your future.

~Steve
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 03, 2015, 04:26:20 PM
Just because I said I can channel music means I'm delusional? Because I claim I've had contact with divinity means I'm insane? If you think I'm crazy I don't want to be sane. Besides, I can still "act" perfectly normal in real life. You literally cannot deny divinity when its telling you things that will happen right before they happen. Unless EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME was entirely hallucinated, AFTER the fact that I've forseen it. Besides, reality is an illusion anyway. And God is inside of me.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 04, 2015, 08:38:25 PM
Just because I said I can channel music means I'm delusional? Because I claim I've had contact with divinity means I'm insane? If you think I'm crazy I don't want to be sane.

This fits the pattern of your other delusions. For example, you had a delusion that you made a pact with Lilith and she was speaking to you. Now, you can channel music from Lucifer. Furthermore, this happened after you were feeling so psychotic and suicidal that you checked yourself into a psych ward. This is more for other people reading this thread than you, so I am responding to this to respond indirectly to them. I would hope the fact that these experiences happened in a psych ward you had to be checked into would be a clue(I actually suspect that someone else did it for you). I honestly don't understand what goes wonky with people's judgements when people obviously are showing signs of mental illness. You have a history of psychosis. You have a history of delusions. You experienced these delusions in the grip of a depressed state in a psych ward.

I like how you ignored the parts that you can't explain. Like how the music was seeming to come from a higher intelligence than my own. Or how I heard into the future right before it happened.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: TheAghora on March 04, 2015, 09:43:19 PM
Alright, so I'm not saying you are right or wrong here, though lets play the devils advocate here for a moment. First, with anything metaphysical you should ask yourself what this could be that is mundane first, then jumping to it being metaphysical and yourself being an enlightened being. What could this be? I know that people who are Schizophrenic have similar issues when off of there medication or not on medication in the first place, have you thought of this? I know of a man who thought that demons spoke with him. Being a magician, I have had many encounters with entities, and I can tell you that they don't generally go bothering people for no reason. Saying that Lucifer, or any higher level entity would be communicating with you, what makes you think this? Simply because you don't believe yourself to be deceitful enough to make this type of music? People are capable of far more then they realize. Part of magic, of wearing robes, of chanting, of doing many of the dogma based efforts is based on developing the phyco-paump (how ever you spell it).You yourself are capable of much more then you think.

My opinion? You should see a doctor. I'm not trying to be an ass, or a douche; I'm trying to be a friend. Do you know how difficult it is to develop the ability to just see or hear metaphysical entities? It's not something that just happens (usually, for the majority of people it doesn't). I would recommend that you seek help. Again, please don't think of this as being an asshole, I don't intend it to. Rayn was correct, just no one wants to say anything about it. I've met people who have had similar things happen to them, please don't go down the same road. Make a new path for yourself. This path is all about bettering yourself, be it the RHP or the LHP, it's all about self improvement. If and when you do seek help and I was wrong, come back here and let me know I was wrong, I will accept that.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 05, 2015, 10:56:30 AM
What I meant by illuminated was awakened. I did feel the sensation of kundalini rise. but, there is still garbage in my mind. The only reason i believe a higher intellegence contacted me, is because the one that seemed divine saw into the future or manipulated it, 5 times. and i've confirmed afterwards that these things happened. and when a "devil" sang to me, it really was beyond my natural ability to write.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Steve on March 07, 2015, 06:56:13 PM
Well, say that attempting is still just hallucinating, Rayn: Can you do anything to help him/her? You know, other than saying "go see a doctor" no matter what happens to him? Seriously. What kind of change would he have to go through before you'd accept that he's doing better and doesn't need to see a doctor anymore? Or is that all that you're going to say regardless of what happens to him: "you're unwell, attempting. Go see a doctor." Oh wait, he did see a doctor. Went to the psych ward and everything. And then they released him.

Cause regardless of whether he is or not, the things he's saying are a heck of a lot healthier than what he was saying before. Even if he is still hallucinating, he's doing better.

But then, as he mentioned, what about the knowledge of things to-be-said before they were said?

~Steve
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Merlin on March 07, 2015, 08:06:44 PM
Well, say that attempting is still just hallucinating, Rayn: Can you do anything to help him/her? You know, other than saying "go see a doctor" no matter what happens to him? Seriously. What kind of change would he have to go through before you'd accept that he's doing better and doesn't need to see a doctor anymore? Or is that all that you're going to say regardless of what happens to him: "you're unwell, attempting. Go see a doctor." Oh wait, he did see a doctor. Went to the psych ward and everything. And then they released him.

Cause regardless of whether he is or not, the things he's saying are a heck of a lot healthier than what he was saying before. Even if he is still hallucinating, he's doing better.

But then, as he mentioned, what about the knowledge of things to-be-said before they were said?

~Steve

I really admire your outlook—it shows a lot more maturity and compassion than I was able to muster.

I assume the prescient information could be hallucination too. I'm not aware of the limits of hallucinations, so it seems reasonable that just about anything could be fabricated.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: TheAghora on March 07, 2015, 09:38:13 PM
This really is the big problem with the metaphysical practices all together. You can be written off as have a mental condition, even though you may indeed be having something magical happen. Or, even if people see something magical happen, nearly everything can be duplicated through trickery and illusions now. I personally do think he needs more help, and not from all of what he's saying. There are simply some things that stand out to me that don't sound right, not that he's lying. With mental conditions it's very hard to treat in a week, or even a year. It's something you do for your whole life, usually do to an imbalance of something within your mind. A pill wont fix it unless if you keep taking said medication, and it takes a lot of time to figure out what works good for that person, as everyones chemistry to what will work for them is slightly different; which is why the science of the kind is as much an Art as it is a Science.

Many of the things he states he would be capable of, other things I don't think so. Even some of the things he may be capable of doing, I don't think he's put the time or training it to do them. I don't know the OP, though judging from his typing and his mentality I assume that he's in his teens some where (not meaning this in a rude way, I apologize if I'm wrong or if it is rude). What it comes down to, is if he believes it. The movie the Matrix explained it the best. If it feels real, looks real, smells real, what makes it not real? If it is real to him it is very much alive in his reality, even if it isn't in our own (his Microcosm). If he thinks he needs help, then he should seek it if not, then let it be. Though about the music, you are more capable then what you believe, everyone is. I've known people that claimed that could never kill someone, never hurt someone, and they lived up to it. Until a situation came that was life threatening and they proved to be otherwise. We are all capable of far more then we chose to show, I think.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Steve on March 09, 2015, 09:22:48 AM
I assume the prescient information could be hallucination too.
Yes, there's two situations that I can think of where hallucinations would seem like presentience.

The first is that the insane person hallucinates another person's words in their mind and then hallucinates the other person's words from their lips. In other words, the insane person first thinks that they received a message telepathically and then hallucinate the actual words.

The second is that the person first hears actual words come from another person's mouth and then the insane person's brain creates a time lapsed memory of those words and places the created memory before the real memory, thus making it seem to the insane person as though they heard the words in their mind first and then the person spoke it whereas in reality the opposite happened.

However.

Quote from: Merlin
I'm not aware of the limits of hallucinations, so it seems reasonable that just about anything could be fabricated.
How do you know that any of the words you hear in your day to day life are not hallucinated? How do you know that any of the metaphysical experiences you've had aren't just hallucinated? Hallucinations can indeed take on any form, so if we were to take this question to its philosophical limits then we would find ourselves in the "brain in a jar" or "Descartes' demon" scenarios, even for perfectly sane people.

So rather than assuming either insanity or sanity, one should attempt to gather information and try to determine which is more likely (while also noting the possibility that it could be a mix of the two) given how the information plays with external reality, and using a certain criterion for "is it meaningfully useful?". For instance, if I developed telepathy only to the point where I could hear someone else's thoughts literally one second before they spoke them, and that was the full extent of my telepathic ability, then it would be "meaningfully useless" in that I could not use it to any substantial gain. In the same sense, if an insane person is hallucinating voices then they would be unable to meaningfully use that information. So in that regard, there's little distinction between real metaphysical ability and mere hallucination.

The important difference is that metaphysical ability can be developed in such a way as to be both verifiable and used to the benefit of the practitioner. Hallucinations, on the other hand, will never produce verifiable results and will rarely (if ever) benefit the person hallucinating; though if I'm wrong and a person CAN figure out a way to use their hallucinations to their benefit, then hooray for them because they're doing just as well as if they developed real metaphysical ability and used it for their benefit. If a person is so far gone into hallucinations that they cannot meaningfully distinguish between hallucinating metaphysical ability versus developing real metaphysical abilities, to the point where their brain provides false information so that it can pretend like it is performing metaphysics and/or so that it can pretend like it is benefiting the "practitioner", then all of this discussion is pretty much moot anyways.

EDIT: Oh, and one other meaningful difference between metaphysical ability and hallucinations is that you have to spend time developing metaphysical abilities, whereas people generally just kind of slowly fall further and further into dementia without having to do anything and in fact would have to do something in order to fight off the effects of dementia. Taking into account spontaneous enlightenment (or spontaneous advancement) that sometimes occurs, if a person does not put in effort over time and yet supposedly continually develops over time and yet is unable to put their "abilities" to meaningful use, then it can generally be easily determined to be hallucination rather than metaphysical development.

In attempting's case for this thread, as an example: he went through a spontaneous experience that is somewhat difficult to distinguish between real metaphysical advancement versus mere hallucination (because different portions of the description that he gave of the event allow for both possibilities), but time will likely tell the difference quite well.

~Steve
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: Ekstatikos on March 10, 2015, 05:31:15 AM
Oh, and one other meaningful difference between metaphysical ability and hallucinations is that you have to spend time developing metaphysical abilities, whereas people generally just kind of slowly fall further and further into dementia without having to do anything and in fact would have to do something in order to fight off the effects of dementia. Taking into account spontaneous enlightenment (or spontaneous advancement) that sometimes occurs, if a person does not put in effort over time and yet supposedly continually develops over time and yet is unable to put their "abilities" to meaningful use, then it can generally be easily determined to be hallucination rather than metaphysical development.

...he went through a spontaneous experience that is somewhat difficult to distinguish between real metaphysical advancement versus mere hallucination (because different portions of the description that he gave of the event allow for both possibilities), but time will likely tell the difference quite well.

It could very well be both, and that is my own assessment. Given that he was actually practising a certain meditation at the time, the event is not entirely 'spontaneous'. The perceived impact of the event however, is likely an amplification of the mind of some minor, albeit real, spiritual effects from the practice. This is a well known phenomenon, where the practitioner experiences her initial success in meditation as a momentous spiritual achievement. As the energies calm down and become more controlled this generally fades.

It is always good to seek medical advice, so it is good that you checked yourself in, Attempting. As for the phenomena, as I've said to you in private, use them as momentum to solidify your practice routine, and do not be discouraged if these experiences fade with time - for if you are keeping a good routine, that will be nothing more than an indication that you are grounding and controlling the energies associated with the practices better. We tend to make more of spiritual experiences than they are, especially in the beginning - at the very least though, they can be good indications (under the supervision of a skilled teacher), that you are heading in the right direction, and as such they will motivate and uplift you, and keep you going in times when little else seems to be going right.

God Bless.
Title: Re: I found spiritual illumination in the psych ward.
Post by: attempting on March 10, 2015, 08:27:41 AM
My memory has never "glitched" in the past inserting voices in my mind "before" "after" people have said things to me. I've confirmed with several people that they did say what they said after I knew it was coming. I'm not presentient, because is was more like a transmission from the beyond, and really out of my control. If my mental illness gets worse rather then better and I cannot continue my spiritual goals, I would most likely take myself out of the picture so I could find the path again with a clean state. I'm not saying I'm suicidal, but if my mind starts to fail me and I can't come back, its lights out for me.