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What if there is no god?

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supadude:
What if all that underlies exisence is just that, existence.

  And the god a lot of people think exist is just the equivalent of spritual primordial soup that we all simply developed from?  For me, i don't think there is any god anymore, and if it exists, it is more evil than i or it doesn't care.

 There is always the idea in the back of our heads that somewone or something is watching us.  But it seems like there is nothing. I've gone from evangalistic christian to wiccanism briefly to universalist, i have entartained the thought of a parthenon of gods, lesser gods and spiritual beings and that didnt make sense either.  

I read mars' thread about depression and spiritual evaluations and i gave him karma for that as this depression i have about a lot of things outside of psionics as well as my aptitude in it as was has haunted me for 11 years. Now i am without a god. It is arrogant but for me to give a god my attention it would have to make itself apparent to me. tried as have before no christian or pagan or other god has decided.that i am important enough to talk to. So fuck god.

Sure, i say that in slim hopes that i can piss it off enough to do something, anything.. But even that makes me feel like an ignorant fool just like thousands of greeks prostrating themselves before a volcano babbling prayers to zues thinkng kronos had finally escaped the walls of tartarus. (Sigh)

This is about god as much as it is about personal purpose. On the one hand if there is a god and i do have a purpose i would feel useless if it was mundane and if it wasn't i would be after i had carried it out. On the other hand if there is no god and i have no purpose and just popped into existence then it seems i truely am useless and my lackluster achievements of the mundane are all i have and i don't have much for a life. I'm an overnight cook at a mcdonalds for fucks sake.

My parents filled my head with the Christian idealism of singular purpose and it was my only drive to live at times, evwn after i stopped believing in Christianity i still held fast to the thought that maybe i do have a purpose to whomever diety that presides. Something ro give my worthless life meaning.  Meaning. But at that same effect i would rather not have my life amount to something so small as a singular purpose, no matter how great it is. I almost would rather my life have no meaning to it as the deep underlying cause would probably leave me disturbed, trying to change what cannot be changed. Sort of like a baby that was the byproduct of rape.

So i have long since discarded religion and god filling up the hole that it left with drugs. And when i think back to when i almost died from it.. i kind of wish i would have. Unfair as it would be to all of. my friends and family, at least i would know for sure.

  I have had plenty of success with psionics as it has never really been to hard for me. I have exibited power seemingly equal to the fictional avatar state.  But its never enough, i want there to be a god, i want somebody to blame for this shit. I want him to exist because i already hate him. Mostly i want to know why.

Akenu:
I am currently thinking about which role I should take to answer this. As a zealot I would probably yell about God giving us free will and all bad things happening are because of us, etc. As a skeptic I would surely agree with you.
Well, let's take it from Chaos Magick perspective for once. God (Yahweh) is just like any other deities out there, part of our unconsciousness,  with its advantages and disadvantages. Now, each god has his own rise and fall, the reason is that people need to believe in some divine creator, in someone more "higher" who is controlling the world. Why? Because people are scared of the realization that there is NO ONE in control, there is NO plan, we are not aiming anywhere and evolution is purely random, that's called chaos and we are naturally scared of it.

supadude:
And to those wondering why i am unsatisfied with my aptitude in psionics is because it only works one way for me though i exibit extreme power in the one thing i can do bit that's the issue itself. I other aspects of psi are a mystery to my brain. But i already know why that is. its just my horrible motivation and my crummy practicing habits. And even as much power as i have, i am considering dropping psionics.

   The only reason i haven't quit is because it is the only proof i have of any spiritual existence. The only person i have ever seen to provide any proof of god that was reasonable was kobok when he said that " matter at it's most fundamental level exists as energy, and this energy expresses itself in different ways to create different types of matter, and for energy to express itself, it becomes a concept. Thus our universe is conceptual at its most basic level, a thought per se. And the only one who could have created this concept is god." And that stuck with me no matter what, preventing my last shred of believing in a high power from evwr being truely destroyed because its logical and completly rational.  And I'm not sure if i could ever put it down anyways, some empathetic reflexes just happen whether i like it or not. It really is a part of me now.

Akenu:
The relation between matter and energy is somewhat known, but what kobok calls concept can be just a coincidence, how can we know? We cannot.
You said you are considering to drop psionics. The question is whether psionics did improve your life in any way, if not, feel free to drop it and do something more valuable. If it does improve your life, there is no reason getting rid of it, being lazy is easy, but not always correct.

Hellblazer:
I actually understand exactly where your coming from. I don't believe in god at least nothing scripture wise that people call god. I've thought about quitting magick several times because the only thing that really give's me repeatable results are sigils. I've tried everything (at least I think). I've done both high and low magick to get in contact with God, Angels, Even demons. Yet very little has come of it. I've only had one profound experience and that keeps me guessing. As Akenu mention if your practice benefits you then keep at it, if not thing it's always best to move on. I may never be a good magician and that's ok. Do what makes YOU happy.

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